There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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