sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
