how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
