My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
