you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
