i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
