Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
