Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
