Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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