God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
