Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My day in three words: secret purse cake
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
