I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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