Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
