What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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