the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
