If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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