Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
