Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
false alarm, still single
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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