Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize