then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Less talking, more tequila
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
