he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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