Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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