lets start a swedish sibling band together
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
