I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
