that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
