dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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