What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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