her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
