fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize