I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
