I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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