I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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