pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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