My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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