ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
