I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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