I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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