we're blogging at a bar
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
