Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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