It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
