1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
