I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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