i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
