What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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