Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
