i barfeds in our rink
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
