You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
