oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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