Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
