the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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