omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
