Tell her she can't have a vagina
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
