I'm going to rape someone's good day.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
