Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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