Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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