I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
