I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
