my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sorry my hands just texted you
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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