Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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