so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
