It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
