i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
