My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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