i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
