this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Found the puke drawer
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
