I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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