Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
