I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
