All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
