I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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