Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
