I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
