You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
