Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
