If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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