Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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