On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
