Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
